When problems start to heat up in a marriage or relationship, it usually has been going on for some time. Rarely do couples seek out a therapist at the onset of trouble. Reluctantly, people think it is just an argument or disagreement and it will blow over soon enough.
Reasons Why It May Not Work
•Generally speaking, they’re right; however, if arguments continue at a consistent rate and become frequent and escalate, I would recommend talking to a qualified therapist. In addition, there are qualified coaches and as long as they do not claim to be a counselor and specifically state they are trained as a specialist in the field or have had loads of experience, seeking treatment with a coach would be all right, as well. For instance, in my case, I have had training in marriage and relationship problems. I have also interviewed and helped many couples with their issues. There has been tremendous success with many of my clients. However, there are a considerable amount of times that couples have waited too long to come in and their issues are not reparable because they have lost hope and have too much hurt to forgive or trust again.
•Moreover, one partner may not be honest in saying they want to fix their problems; perhaps, they just want out or they have unrealistic expectations from their partner.
•And lastly, one person may not be able to admit their faults nor allow the other person to be right, and therefore, cannot honestly work to correct their mistakes.
Reasons Why It Could Work
•If only one person is interested in seeing a therapist for marriage or relationship problems, it still could work and here’s why. According to research Dr. Claire Miner, Ph.D., LPC, a Gotten trained marriage counselor in Austin, Texas, says that only one person, by attending sessions with a therapist, can make a difference by changing their behavior that will impact their overall marriage or relationship.
•Also, the other partner will witness a change and see a new pattern of coping skills that may prompt him/her to want to be a participant, as well. Any change for the positive will be better than doing nothing at all whereby, the marriage or relationship could deteriorate after considerable time left unattended.
Patience & Kindness
A final note is to practice special kindness and have a reserve of patience for the other person. Often couples feel threatened that they are going to be criticized for their behavior and they will be found at fault. It puts people on the defensive from the get-go…an already bad place to start from.
Instead, put yourself in the other person’s shoes, so to speak. Try to feel what they might be feeling. Have empathy for each other and try to support one another, not tear each other apart. Besides, most likely, you have something worth saving if you want to get help and assistance in trying to understand what is really happening in your personal interaction toward each other.
References
Fork, H. (2011). Marriage Counseling: What to do when only one person wants to go. Retrieved from http://doctorscrossing.com/2011/12/marriage-counseling-what-to-do-when-only-one-person-wants-to-go/
