Looking back on your life over the years and assessing the decisions you made and the actions you took, you might have a few regrets. I would say that you are having a pretty normal response. That’s because no one on earth could be so perfect that they do not make any mistakes in life.
We all have our weaknesses and faults and it is impossible to play our cards with 100% accuracy for perfect outcomes that win every game.
My Story of Regret, But Not Defeat
Look, many years ago, I felt totally defeated as a result of my personal life decisions that came back to haunt me. When I was fresh out of one year of college right after high school, I decided to quit college and go to work. I was sick and tired of studying every day and night. I had attended a private school for 12 years of my life and I wanted to live not study anymore.
So, I went to work and after a few years in retail sales, I got lucky when my best friend introduced me to her uncle who needed an assistant to help with his property investment company. He single-handedly developed and managed his company.
I was immediately hired as his assistant, as his company was growing with new clients. For the next 12 to 15 years, I worked hard and learned everything I could and my boss finally let me handle top clients in finding investment properties for them. I received a great salary/commission, got married in the meantime, traveled, and lived well. This life style continued for quite a few years and I loved my work.
However, in 2008, when the economic downturn arrived and properties went down quickly, investors pulled back and the company began to downsize. My boss reluctantly had to let me go and for the next several years I couldn’t find a decent job. To add to the jeopardy in my life, my husband’s work (architect) declined as well and together our salaries were a huge factor in our life style.
Taking Care of Others Relieves Your Suffering
Even if I had a job, I would not have been able to keep it because my mother and father’s health began to decline due to natural aging. I lived very close to them, so I was the care giver that assisted them through the process of aging and dying. It was my privilege to be there for them, but it was costly to me in terms of staying out of the loop in seeking substantial work.
However, I would not have changed the decision to take care of my parents. It ended up being a gift for me and hopefully for them, as well.
After my parents’ death, I had spent most of my savings on just everyday living with no monthly income. Picking up the pieces and deciding to move forward, I realized that my options had dwindled over the years and I now had to live with the decision of not wanting to continue college which, would have put me into another circle of better options for my future.
Frustration & Anguish
It was frustration and anguish over my past mistake that kept preventing me from going forward. I listened to my thoughts and they were not good. They were constantly telling me that I had ruined my future because now I was no longer as young and times were more difficult than before the economic disaster. Of course, many people were facing so many hard times, some much worse than my own situation.
But, I finally emerged and got control over my conscious mind and decided to take the first step to recovery. I decided to return back to school and finish my education. I studied psychology so I could help others get through difficult times in their lives too.
I learned important steps in pulling myself up and back to a perspective that enhanced my thinking so that I could continue on a positive path in accomplishing and contributing to the world.
Here’s what I learned when I was in the trenches of negative thinking:
• 1)-The first step is to confront. Do not run away from your mistakes in fear, guilt, or regret. Of course, there is a silence of regret, which should be dealt with in the confronting segment of realization.
But please do not spend too much time thinking about the negative, once you have acknowledged the mistake or incorrect decision that irritates you.
In the phase of acknowledgment, give the mistake or mistakes a label or a name. After you have named it, it is time to put it aside and let it go.
I recommend that you repeat subtle words that dispel the anguish of your past decisions or actions. For example, you could say, “I am letting you go” or “I release you from my thoughts”, or simply say to yourself, “Let it go”. If you need to repeat the exercise, no problem. Each time you say your words, you are sending the message further and further away from your thoughts and your subconscious. Soon, it will be viewed not as a negative irritation, but as a profitable experience.
• 2)- From now on and in the future, you can address this mistake or mistakes (in the past) as experiences (in the present) to be used for profitable gain. I am not necessarily talking about financial profit here but rather, profits in terms of experiences that teach us lessons that are priceless (for the future).
So, you can now turn that past action into a positive by using what you learned not to do for your future success or successes.
• 3)- From time to time, while you are living in the present and paving the way for the future, you may have re-occurring thoughts that work against your accomplishments.
For instance, when you have well thought out goals you are pursuing, there is always an element of distraction from your mind that wants to tell you that you cannot succeed or it’s too hard and time-consuming. This kind of thinking takes away precious time from your loved ones, your work, and your enjoyment, etc.
In order not to listen to these distractions, negative thoughts must be replaced immediately with positive ones that are real and not made up. Your mind wants to believe and respect you in the reality, not the fantasy. And the reality becomes your motivation….what you have witnessed as your step by step accomplishments toward the goals you are pursuing.
The word to remember is, replace. Replace the old with the new thinking. It’s not so easy because nothing is, but it works if it is consistent. And at this point, you probably already know the meaning of consistency in mastering your goals step by step.
• 4)- View the past performance in the reality of what you are and what you are actually accomplishing. In fact, let it become your motivation to continue and succeed. Having a clear motivation standard, whenever the going gets rough, you can always depend on your motivating (accomplishments and goals) experience to lead the way for more gains toward your ultimate goal. Keep moving forward.
• 5)- Always develop another task to be accomplished waiting in the wings. There are many steps in successful planning and completion. So, until you have finished your project, you will need to keep the momentum going for your interest and enthusiasm. This also translates into the sustaining motivation necessary for success.
• 6)- Embrace your mistakes before you go any further. No longer can you look at your mistakes as mistakes. This term or word to describe a negative in your life can now be referred to as a “stepping stone”. In fact, it is your link to freedom and potential happiness that stems from either helping others or from your contribution to society. There is no greater satisfaction.
Using your undesired past as your stepping stones to truth is far better than viewing it as a mistake. The word mistake has now become unwanted and not useful any longer as part of your vocabulary. You have now embraced the action taken long ago as a way to view your life with clarity and focus.
• 7)- Now you are ready for a new perspective and attitude on everything in life. Your new viewing lens is through the positive attitude that is so much a part of you as you naturally yearn for happiness.
We all seek happiness. We spend our lives in search of it every where we can. But by now, we understand there is no permanent happiness without some suffering or mishaps that come along the journey of life.
Our task is to keep a healthy perspective and attitude as best we can under certain circumstances. Remembering that this life we have created is all we have and we can make and keep it great if we want to. Focusing and replacing inaccurate thinking will make that happen for you if you remember to initiate it whenever you need to.
• 8)- Lastly, I know you have heard this before from the many writers who want to give you solid advice for your well-being.
Gratitude
They tell you to… be grateful.
Be grateful, not just for the big stuff that comes your way, but for the small stuff that happens subtly each day. Those are the events that really make up your entire life.
They accumulate, sometimes without recognition and they are more important than anything in your life.
Without the tender touches, kind subtle words of a spouse, or a good friend, and the smile of a stranger who is confirming you as a human being, everything is more difficult to accomplish.
It is in the subtle tender touches of life where the real things matter and affect us and the world, daily.
