What My Mother Told Me About Lying
I remember my mother always telling my brother and me, “Tell me the truth, you can tell me anything”. For the most part, my mother was right…she did not want us to get into bad habits of lying, plus she wanted to keep abreast of our developmental values and character. All well intended because she was an excellent mother by all accounts from friends and family.
However, as I grew up, I couldn’t tell my mother everything because I was developing into my own personality and individual self. That is, I was learning and experiencing life for myself. On the other hand, I took the good advice she imparted and I became a person that tries her best never to lie.
A Little History On A Liar’s Background
According to the Lies! Lies!! Lies!!!, the Psychology of Deceit, by Charles V. Ford, M.D., he tells us based on research that lying is present everywhere. Dr. Ford goes on to suggest that lying is composed of an internal world of beliefs, fantasies and their perception of realities and an external world of shared beliefs or a reality. If one enters into the world of self-deception, it occurs when one fabricates or changes the information as it goes from the external to the internal world. In other words, self-deception occurs when one lies about their internal world beliefs. One’s ego is the underlying mechanism that controls the behavioral reactions or responses.
What the Experts Say
A poll that was taken by Americans in 1991 (Patterson and Kim), suggested that 90% of people claimed that they were deceitful. Mostly, they lied about such things as, their feelings, income, accomplishments, sex life, and age. Americans generally admitted that they were unhappy with the level of honesty and felt that politicians high up in office do not tell the truth to the public. Up to 94% of people also believed that having a friend that was honest was a quality, which was rated as highly important to their relationship.
About Lying in the Workplace
Experts confirm that lying in the workplace is common. This kind of lying is attributed to one protecting their position and job responsibilities, guaranteeing their competency and place. A central reason for the increase in deception is the low risk of being caught in a lie. Some people are very skilled in lying.
Pathological Lying
Pathological lying is a compulsive or impulsive behavior that is practiced on a consistent basis. In most cases, it does not have any obvious benefits and even signals a self-destructive tone. For instance, the liar is not concerned if the lie itself makes no sense and is obviously going to be found out as blatant deception.
However, lying can become a disorder that is often recognized in other disorders that may be serious in nature. Personality disorders that are linked to habitual lying can be found in narcissistic, antisocial, and borderline personalities (see articles on all 3 behaviors under category…Self-Improvement/Self-Image, etc.). When the disorder is at this level of behavior, the individual has no remorse for his/her lying and is non-affected by another’s discovery of their over-exaggerated lie. In fact, the liar will continue on his/her path, obviously having a distorted concept of reality.
The Signs of a Habitual/Pathological Liar
Listen to the Voice and Speech:
1)-Negative statements are more apparent
2)-Information that is not related to the subject matter
3)-Abundance of generalizations
4)-Not giving enough explanation to questions and speaking slower in order to formulate their answers
5)-Almost void of any personal information supplied in the conversation
6)-Frequent stumbling with speech (inadvertent statements and/or inaccurate use of language
Notice Facial Expressions and Body Language:
1)-Generally, a liar usually avoids eye contact
2)-Changes his/her posture uncomfortably
3)-Smiles a great deal in order to masque their deception
4)-Increased eye blinking
5)-Nervous scratching or playing with one’s hair
6)-Physiological behaviors such as sweating, flushing of the face, hyperventilation, and sighing.
Majority of People Are Not Habitual or Pathological Liars
Although none of us are perfect, self-included, the majority of people are not pathological liars; but, many of us lie on occasion, called “little white lies”. These kind of lies are generally not intended to harm anyone. Quite the contrary, they are intended to spare someone from the truth that might otherwise hurt or offend them. This seems to be a natural response for many especially when the lying is used for those we care a great deal about. However, I do not recommend nor promote lying of any kind, as anything practiced repeatedly could become habitual.
References
Questia, a part of Gale, Cengage Learning. www.questia.com
Ford, C. (1996). Lies!, Lies!!, Lies!!! The Psychology of Deceit. American Psychiatric Press, 202. Washington, D.C.
Hill, T. (2015). 6 Subtle Characteristics of The Pathological Liar. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 26, 2016, from http://blogs.psychcentral.com/caregivers/2014/09/6-subtle-characteristics-of-the-pathological-liar/
