Committed Relationships, whether married, partners, best-friend relationships, work- related relationships or social, are tremendously important to the psychological spirit of each one of us.
We need relationships to exist. When you are isolated from people, it will affect your personality, values, and character. Sometimes, the effect may not be healthy for you physically or psychologically.
Why is that? Because, research tells us that humans need both to give love and to receive love. It is built into the fiber of our being. There is no escaping it.
In fact, when people tell you that “I don’t need anyone, I like being alone”, they are actually defending their position of loneliness and restlessness.
We all experience loneliness and restlessness during our lifetime. Sometimes it is more intense and other times quite manageable. Most of the time, people do not recognize it for what it really is. Instead, in the mis-interpretation, it can be channeled into areas of vice, destructive behavior patterns, and bad choices.
Behavioral patterns are not always positive. We tend to mix it up and have both positive and negative running at the same time. Trying to navigate a balanced life is not always easy, especially if we do not have introspection and ways of taking an account of our values and purpose in our life that we are focused on.
In many cases, we seek outside help to manage the chaos that goes on around us in our pursuits of work relationships, and happiness. Outside perspectives give us a chance to take accountability and acceptance to make changes and room for growth.
However, if we cannot, for example afford to have healthy counseling or coaching, we leave our delicate selves open to false interpretation perpetuated by our thoughts. It is difficult to assess ourselves without appropriate feedback from a reliable source, preferably in a professional setting.
Let us say that in the process of making decisions and choices, we may not always make the right ones. People tend to file the negative in the mind, as opposed to the positive wins they have successfully made. As research says, “we are harder on ourselves than anyone else”.
As a result of misconstrued concepts of our self-evaluation, it can lead an individual towards stagnating effects of a psychological disorder, called imposter syndrome.
Not to worry, though, it can be modified or eliminated with counseling or coaching in most cases.
Imposter syndrome is defined as a persistent inability to believe in the success one deserves or has legitimately achieved through their own efforts and hard work.
Some of the feelings associated with imposter syndrome are…
a.-feelings of inadequacy b.-self-doubt
c.-fear of being exposed as a fraud, despite evidence of their competence.
Unfortunately, individuals who suffer from imposter syndrome, are at risk for anxiety and depression along with other disorders.
Additional categories of imposter syndrome can be academic imposter, career imposter, perfectionist imposter, luck imposter, and relationship imposter.
Academic imposter syndrome: feeling as though you are not capable or smart enough to be an academic.
Career imposter syndrome: a sense of not measuring up to the performance level that is expected of you and your colleagues will discover your inadequate abilities.
Perfectionist imposter syndrome: expecting everything you do and say to be perfect, setting high standards for yourself, and the fear of not reaching them because you are not capable.
Luck imposter syndrome: everything good that you do is simply luck, but not attributed to your abilities.
Relationship imposter syndrome: negative thoughts that you are not deserving of a healthy or respectful relationship and are not capable of maintaining a good relationship with anyone and they will find out about you that you are a fraud.
The common denominator in the above categories of imposter syndrome is lack of one’s self-esteem and self-worth.
Everyone has a lack of confidence at times, but it does not linger and it is not extreme. In the case of imposter syndrome, it tends to be persistent and deeply embedded in the personality traits of an individual.
Contrary to this belief, with consistent and repetitive mindset patterns, it can be turned around with the guidance of a professional over time.
Experiencing low self-esteem, fear of failure, self-doubt, anxiety, depression and feeling inferior to others, are consequences of being under the control of imposter syndrome.
Your Relationship & Imposter Syndrome
Research points out that if our relationship or marriage at home is not on sound ground, then it will affect everything. It seems absurd, but the findings do not lie. We are inclined to excel if we feel loved, supported, respected, appreciated, heard, and even admired by our partner or spouse.
It is advised to fix your issues or get professional assistance, as soon as possible, before your relationship deteriorates. As a counselor and coach, I have witnessed many couples discover that their cherished years are beyond repair, and they decide to end their relationship or marriage.
Most of the time, it is lacking the skills to communicate without attacking the other and not having an understanding of the needs each partner is trying to convey. Of course, there are issues of trust and intimacy or closeness that also play a big role in why couples experience distancing.
However, in the case of relationships and imposter syndrome, you can see that the basic premise of imposter syndrome spills over into the same components of feeling inadequate and like a fraud, in most scenarios of the disorder.
Sometimes, people laugh it off when there are noticeable indications to others that your relationship might be suffering differences or other issues of concern. People in general, do not take it seriously and think it will blow over in time. That may be true for some, but not the majority of couples.
I cannot stress enough, having practiced with couples in this area of concern, how important it is to regard one’s relationship as the “priority” in life. I have seen enough couples split up because the relationship or marriage went too far unattended to the real problems that I suspect surfaced frequently, and were dismissed as, “it’ll be ok”.
This idea is further from the truth. If left unattended too long, it will erupt and sometimes, couples are surprised when it does. All of a sudden, one partner is fed up and decides to leave the relationship. And it is too late for repairing. They are simply “done”.
My advise is to seek help in having an understanding of each other’s needs and requests. Because if you do not show enough interest in taking care of what you have,
you send the message that it is not important enough to you and that is why a partner or spouse makes the decision to go.
If a couple cannot afford private sessions with a professional, then sit down with each other, face to face, and communicate calmly, your feelings. Allow each other to speak and to be heard, fully. Then each one calmly answer and express your feelings. It may take on-going discussions to resolve your issues but let us be realistic…everyone has on-going issues because we all keep growing.
The important take-a-way is grow together and keep an open mind with compassion and empathy for the one you love.
Probable Causes of Imposter Syndrome
• Criticism: Constant criticism can make people feel like they will never be good enough.
• High expectations: Universal praise can instill high expectations and pressure.
• Gender stereotypes: Gender stereotypes can contribute to imposter syndrome.
• Family expectations: Family expectations can contribute to imposter syndrome.
• Personality traits: Certain personality traits can contribute to imposter syndrome.
Overcoming Imposter Syndrome
• Cognitive restructuring: Challenge negative self-talk and reframe your thoughts.
• Seek support: Share your experiences with trusted friends, family, or colleagues.
• Celebrate successes: Keep a record of your achievements and celebrate your successes.
• Learn from failures: Learn from your setbacks and try something different next time.
• Work with a mental health professional: Consider working with a mental health professional if symptoms persist or severely impact your mental health and quality of life.
An awareness has to be recognized and accepted for an individual to begin to change or modify their perspective of thoughts from a fantasy to a reality. Because, there is not one person in the entire world who does not have talents that are worthy of praise.
Everyone has, at minimum, four or five talents that are innately woven into their fiber.
It just warrants the humble introspection of oneself with the belief and trust that their talents are very real in pursuing and developing into useful and contributing assets.
Now, it may seem too overwhelming for some people in the imposter syndrome mindset to grasp all at once, and make the change of mind into a reality. I agree with this thought.
However, the reason I am writing this article is that maybe it is resonating with someone. And if it is, they may begin to take action and seek professional help, so they can be confidently assured and know their worth, and have real happiness, moving forward.
