Many of you have probably heard of the website called Ashley Madison. It supports having an affair. The website suggests that “life is short” and having an affair is the way to enjoy that short time of living. Even though the website glamorizes the act through enticing rhetoric, it is for the sole purpose of profits at the expense of people’s emotions and values.
I would like to educate the public on the damage that having an affair can reap in one’s life. The damage is foremost to oneself and their value system of course, but it also extends to everyone close to them and beyond.
Who Is Affected By An Affair and How?
People are naive when they think it is easy to hide an affair and it will not hurt anyone nor cause any repercussions. This type of thinking is very far from the truth. In fact, according to research, having an affair causes a great deal of pain and suffering to the spouse or partner and the entire family. The sometimes unforgivable feelings of mistrust dominate the couples’ future interaction. As a result of finding out about the affair, it was reported that some women in the research had gone into a depressed state and encountered suicidal tendencies (Duncombe, & Harrison et al, 2004). https://www.questia.com/read/104681844/the-state-of-affairs-explorations-in-infidelity
Consequences of Affairs
- Marriage could end in separation or divorce.
- An unwarranted dimension is added to an already troubled area of bad feelings within the marriage (ex: unhappy and without love).
- Couples feel the trust is broken forever, but remain together and try to correct their problems.
- Couples forgive their spouse or partner but cannot ever forget it.
- The marriage is never equal to what it was before the affair
- Damage to one’s self-esteem.
- Damage to one’s value system.
- Guilt becomes a heavy price to carry.
- Damage to one’s perspective of their spiritual connection to God and teachings of morality.
- Children may incur irreparable damage psychologically.
- ***In essence, there could be irreparable change to a commitment that was once built on truth, love, and loyalty.
What Happens When Couples Stay Together?
When couples stay together after an affair occurs, it takes the unraveling and understanding of issues that were on-going before or during the affair. Moreover, the ongoing issues that were in effect before or during the affair, were probably almost never discussed; usually, couples seem to lash out unexpectedly in lieu of what is really bothering them. Issues left unattended only cause problems to mount.
How Men & Women Differ When Having Affairs
Women, according to research, experience affairs for different reasons than men. According to the research, it seems to be a more physical encounter for men. As for women, it is a need for or a lack of an emotional connection for them to engage in an affair (Reibstein & Richards, 1992).
In fact, statistics show that men mostly admit that “having affairs does not in any way interfere with their love for their wife and that it is purely for a sexual encounter”. In some cases, the encounter is described as interesting, exciting, and somewhat similar to a game played out alongside their daily marriage routine. Unlike men, women need an emotional connection to the person they are having an affair with and welcome any support their partner may offer to them during the affair. In addition, women are more conscious of the effects of an affair on their husbands and children, including themselves.
It’s important to realize that although there are basic reasons mentioned above that lead individuals to having an affair, real and troubling issues lie beneath the surface that probably have existed for some time.
Other causes such as: unemployment, self-esteem, a recent death encounter of family or a friend, and underlying emotional issues are common and also prevalent in many cases.
Who Feels More Repercussions During an Affair: Men or Women?
It seems, according to the research, that women have more to lose than men during an affair.
For instance:
1-Women are looked upon as disgraceful while men are often perceived as “just being a man” or even laughed at for engaging in an affair as if it were the norm or a conquest of some kind.
2-Women also encounter the risk of being left financially hurt and the possibility of losing their children in a court battle after a divorce has been filed.
Consequently, it becomes a hefty imbalance for women as opposed tomen.
What Are, If Any, the Benefits of Having an Affair?
- It has been researched that affairs sometimes offer an exit to the daily monotonous life of marriage.
- The excitement, romance, and passion may play an important role in facilitating an affair; however, just as with marriage or relationships outside the married state, they too become routine in time.
- The passion and romance seem to diminish as partners become more familiar with each other and the excitement dwindles and what was once spontaneous, now becomes automatic or routine.
- Affairs promote and inspire guilt, lies, and covering up with excuses for not being there or being there, but not responsive to their spouse.
- Children are always affected by any commotion that may surface as the affair continues to disrupt family routine and priorities.
Is Having An Affair Really Worth It?
That is a question for the person having the affair. No one can answer for them because they alone have experienced the problems it has presented. They have either survived it or drowned in it, as a result of being overwhelmed.
Having an affair, you must be prepared for:
- a change in lifestyle
- drastic changes in marriage
- changes in outside relationships
- job changes
- personality changes
- esteem changes and most of all,
- changes in the lives of your children and spouse.
Not being prepared for making a bad decision, will probably reap havoc on you and your family for some time to come. It may never resolve itself and it could even destroy that which, is most precious to you and others–real love, loyalty, and commitment to one faithful person…difficult to find all of that in one place.
References:
Duncombe, J., Harrison, K., Allan, G., Marsden, D. (2004). The state of affairs:Explorations in infidelity and commitment. Lawrence Erbium Associates, pp.282.Retrieved from https://www.questia.com/read/104681844/the-state-of-affairsexplorations-in-infidelity
