It’s OK To Have Goals
It’s good to have goals. As a practicing Stress & Organizational Management Coach, I am all in favor of it. However, going overboard with trying to be perfect all of the time is a bit too much for me. We all know that no matter how intelligent or organized a person is, nobody is perfect in this world. And that’s O.K. because the stress of always chasing ‘perfectionism” is a load that is too heavy for most of us to carry, daily.
According To Psychologists
Well, that’s my opinion. But, there are other people who think differently. For instance, perfectionists are consistently trying to prove themselves to others and live up to their own standards, as well. In fact, according to psychologists, perfectionists derive their habit of thinking usually from their parents or a particular parent. The signs can be ever so subtle to a child or they can be obvious such as, scolding, punishing for bad grades, pushing to strive for better or more, etc. The child consequently, picks up the prompts and learns to constantly seek approval from superiors and transmits to himself/herself, what is called “conditional love” in exchange for perfectionism. Hence, the habit is formed early on and remains throughout life into adulthood unless otherwise acknowledged and treated at some point.
Major Problem Disorders with Trying To Be Perfect
According to Randy Frost, Ph.D., professor at Smith College, perfectionism is not always connected to psychopathology. That is, the setting of a self-imposed criteria for oneself is not always linked. Although, believing that you can only be valued by others if you are perfect is linked to “socially prescribed perfectionism” and is associated with other disorders such as depression and even suicide. Whereas, self-oriented perfectionism has been linked to eating disorders such as anorexia nervosa according to Hewitt and Flett (Cognitive Studies and Research, Vol 26, No. 6) (Benson, 2003).
The one aspect of perfectionism that appears to be disabling to an individual is the setting of self-imposed standards that sometimes are too high to reach. Goals, in general, should be met with small steps or in increments, so that one can view and appreciate the progress, before moving forward to the next goal. Too much too soon, can become stressful and bring disappointment and frustration of not living up to one’s expectations while promoting the onset of depression resulting from a failure. This aspect could prove to be dangerous for an individual that is a self-oriented perfectionist.
References
Benson, E. (2003). The many faces of perfectionism. Monitor Staff, (34), 10, pg. 18. Retrieved from http://www.apa.org/monitor/nov03/manyfaces.aspx
