Many years ago, divorce was barely mentioned in social conversations. Saving your marriage or keeping your marriage together was the headline topic-not divorce. Mostly, couples tried to make it work or stayed in an unpleasant situation. They remained together until the children either moved out on their own or went off to college. Today, many couples still do the same or they simply…divorce.
Divorce Rate
Popular opinion states that the divorce rate is 50% or worse. But according to present-day research statistics, the divorce rate is actually lower than it has been for decades. These current statistics exist in the United States and globally. (See my published article on divorce)
Lower rates in divorce are somewhat attributed to young people not wanting to marry after college. Many are waiting until they are settled into a career and have some savings put aside. This is not bad, but I would like to see divorce statistics lowered due to couples making an effort to stay committed. Maybe I am a little unrealistic today because it seems as if couples choose divorce simply when the “going gets a little rough”. I’m sorry but that is not a good enough reason.
*In my former blog entitled, “It’s Not a Balance Act…It’s Real Life!” ( http://catherine@inspiringself-improvement.com-its-not-a-balance-act-its-real-life/), I emphasize to couples not to give up so easily as research points to success in saving your marriage even if only one spouse seeks help.
No Shame In Divorce Today
Since there is no great shame in divorce any longer and many states do not require both parties to sign the consent papers, couples are easily misled into thinking that this is the quickest and only way out of misery. In the heat of emotions running wild, it is tempting to take the fastest way to relief. Sometimes enough thought has not been considered for a particular problem.
Cool-Off Period
Deliberately taking a “cooling-off period” or a “time-out” could put everything back into perspective. It allows for each spouse in the marriage to give respect to those reasons why they married in the first place. If those reasons or criteria still exist, more or less, then the marriage has more than a good chance to survive; especially, when both spouses are interested in making things work.
Saving Your Marriage/Relationship Is Not Easy
Incidentally, I am not going to tell you that saving your marriage is quick and easy. If you make it past the 10 to 20+ year mark, circumstances and people change with time. Finances may go sour or illness may have struck. Personalities shift because of simple aging or enduring life’s challenges. Everyone’s perception of life is different. People come from different backgrounds, cultures, religions, politics, and types of family environment. All of these factors play a role in one’s behavior and responses to each situation.
Moreover, each person has similarities and dissimilarities in every relationship. Some may have aspects of personalities that could improve over time and some may not; or perhaps, aspects that may even get worse. (This is an area we will have to leave for another blog posting, soon).
However, going back to the main point of “saving your marriage”, if:
a.) leaving behind good friends,
b.) changing course in your future plans and/or career,
c.) saying “good-bye” to parents and family members,
d.) giving up some of your freedom to compromise,
were some of the reasons for your marriage commitment, then do not give up so easily. Certainly, if your spouse was worth the sacrifice of pursuing personal goals 10 or 20 years ago, he/she is probably worth the try to save what you both have cultivated since your initial commitment.
Try First Before Divorce
Friends, there is nothing wrong with a “try”. I tell you this from having worked with many couples who were willing to leave their marriage without a blink of an eye. But with understanding and some patience, they were able to turn their marriage around and enjoy fulfillment once again from each other. When you try with honesty and sincerity focused on a positive outcome, you already have a head start. If you have tried and nothing came of it because of circumstances related to your issues, at least, you have given it an honest try.
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